10 Awesome Ways to Burn Down Your House

House fires are very dangerous. But, unlike tsunamis and earthquakes, they are often preventable. Most of us have heard fire prevention rules since we were in second grade, but have buried some of them along with several state capitals and the name of the 25th President (and yes, we had to look that up too).

Here are 10 tongue-in-cheek guidelines for keeping off the “burned down your house” list of statistics kept by the U.S. Fire Administration:

    1. Avoid paying good money to a professional chimney cleaning service that can actually remove creosote from your chimney. Instead, buy those convenient little chimney cleaning logs at the grocery store.

    2. Leave the fire smoldering when you go to bed instead of extinguishing it. What could go wrong?

    3. Avoid using a screen in front of your fireplace. It’s much more exciting to watch little bits of burning firewood pop out onto your floor like tiny sparklers.

    4. Help your fire along by throwing newspapers and wrapping paper onto the burning logs. The whooshing sound is so cool, and it’s fun to watch the burning paper drift around like tiny flaming butterflies.

    5. Ignite your fire pit close to your house, so you don’t have to walk so far when you need to get more chips. Better yet, just set it on your deck.

    6. If the wood in the fire pit balks at taking off, throw a little gasoline on it. It will be fun watching it “take off.”

    7. Once the fire gets going and you’re ready to settle back in your chair to relax with a cool beverage, go ahead and pile wood up to the top so you don’t have to keep getting up to add more. If the pile should shift for some reason, it’s no big deal. You’ll be able to move fast enough to avoid the shower of little torches. Won’t you?

    8. Light candles in every room, just because the glow is so romantic. Then, let them burn while you take a nap. You won’t forget about them, right?

    9. Use the top of the gas stove as extra counter space. What are the chances your pile of bills will catch on fire? Please. That pilot light is far enough away. Anyone can see that.

    10. Open the window near the stove while you cook to help clear the air. The nearby paper towels fluttering in the breeze ignite way faster than you ever would’ve guessed. Too bad you didn’t get your fire extinguisher recharged so that it could do its job. (What do you mean you don’t have a fire extinguisher?).



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Showing 5 comments
  • samantha dalby

    this. is. great advice. thanks. going to post it on my apartment complex website.

  • Jennpa Smith

    My cousin’s house burnt down 2 months ago. I still have night mares about the fire, because I was there when it happened.

    It was the day of the mardi gras ball and we were having such a good time, but we had to leave, so I decided to spend the night at Jullian’s (my cousin) house. When we got there, the dog was going crazy because we don’t spend a lot of time with her. We soon just sedeld down and started to get ready for bed.

    A couple hours later, I decided to play on the ipad. After a while, I smelt smoke so I looked out the window and I kind of laughed a little bit. The tree was on fire. I walked out of the room and my aunt was screaming and hollaring and I was so scared. She screamed out ” THE HOUSE IS ON… FIRE!!!

    I started to cry so much. Jullian was very sad and so was my sister, Mckenzie. My uncle called 911and we ran out of the house like there was no tommorrow. For us, it seemed like there was no tommorrow.

    We went to the neighbors house and we could not stop crying or screaming. My aunt called my mom and she came to see us. Half an hour later, the whole entire house was burnt down. Jillian decided to come to our house and stay the night at our house because she had no place to stay or sleep.

    The next day, my aunt called us and said that her dog had got stuck in the house when it burnt down, and she passed away. Jillian couldn’t stop thinking about her house or why it burnt down.

    This is my story.
    What’s yours?

  • Ryan Edwards


  • Knut Holt

    Do not let one electrical cable branch out to a lot of equipment. It easily gets overloaded, thereby overheated and can start a fire that tends to spread silently until it suddenly gets furious.

  • Knewbreed55


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